My Husband Is a Recovering Alcoholic and Drug User. Lately He’s Been Relapsing. Where Do We Go From Here?
Question by FunnyValentine: My husband is a recovering alcoholic and drug user. Lately he’s been relapsing. Where do we go from here?
My husband and I have been together for almost 4 years. He’s a musician, and when we first met, we were both into partying and drinking. I used to go out to all his gigs and spend most of my free time with him. Alcohol and drugs (cocaine, mostly) always brought us problems, though.
After we got pregnant, we both made a commitment to never drink again. I didn’t want our son growing up in an unstable environment. It was working fine for a while, but before our son’s first birthday, my husband relapsed. That was in October 2008.
It’s now been 6 months since he relapsed, and every month so far has been the same. He disappears for a few days, drinking and using, won’t answer my phone calls or text messages. Eventually, when he’s had enough, he reappears, begging for forgiveness and promising not to do it again. Then he does it again in a month.
So since October, he’s now had 5 or 6 major relapses, where he’s disappeared for days. The last time was a couple of weeks ago, and he even got arrested trying to buy cocaine.
After that incident, he decided to go to treatment. That was good, but treatment is over, and I’m afraid he’s gonna go back to his old ways.
I’m alone most nights, because he’s out either playing a gig or at rehearsal, and I’m constantly fearful that he won’t return home. It’s happened so many times in the past months, that I don’t know if I can ever trust him again.
He feels like I pressure him too much and gets pissed at me. But the truth is, I’m the primary bread-winner, I’m the primary homemaker, I’m the one who takes care of our son, pay the bills, make sure our home is clean, while my husband only thinks about himself and his music career.
Any advice??? He’s not a total a**hole, by the way. He loves me and our child; I just don’t know if he has (or ever will have) his priorities straight. Help!!!
Best answer:
Answer by Glo?
Relapse is common among all individuals who go through treatment as well as those individuals “rare” that have the power to simply stop on their own. He must come to the conclusion that he is done. There are two things that an addict can be sure of they either quit or die active within their addiction. Tell him he needs to surround himself with others who are non users. Unfortunately, being in the music scene this is not going to be easy. Musicians are faced with drugs at every corner. As well being a musician he is certainly not going to be happy doing anything else. Being an addict is a life long battle even when one decides to become clean and sober. Addiction is a disease. Good luck to the two of you.
Answer by ?Spoiled Rotten?
One thing that I learned growing up with a drug addict father is, you cannot push someone into quiting. Even if they love their family, they will continue to use until THEY(addict) are strong enough to quit. No matter how much talking, begging, pleading, crying, and asking…they will not quit. They will temporarily quit but that is always only for so long.
My dad didn’t stop until my siblings and I were in high school. I really do not have much of a relationship with my father. My baby brother, who is my best friend, is now into drugs…the same drug that my dad used. It breaks my heart to pieces. I blame my dad. As the old saying goes…like father like son. It really screwed our lives up. Life of embarrassment. Never having enough because of his costly drug use. Living in undesireable conditions…it was tough. I remember at times, I use to resent my mother for not leaving him to make a better life for her kids. I felt she put him before us. Do not put your son through that.
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Filed under: cocaine treatment at home
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